Party Season Etiquette

binky wrote:Back to Basics (for those of us in the not-so-posh crowd):

NO DOUBLE DIPPING!!!

NO HITTING ON OTHER PEOPLE"S SPOUSES!!!

NO STEALING THE SILVERWARE!!!

NO PEEKING IN THE MEDICINE CABINETS!!!

Oh wow! This is great! Last fall I went through my silverware drawer to see what was left. We were fortunately able to order pieces from a discontinued site, although it was a restaurant site & didn't realize the difference...I think the new dinner forks are about 1/2 inch longer than the old ones

How about recognizing there's a 100 guests so don't pile up your plate w/10 servings of dessert or helping oneself to the garnish as it's being prepared!!!! We had a party here during the summer where the guests just kept coming...ikes, and I was embarrassingly under prepared! That could also be a good etiquette thought, be overly prepared rather than under....but this incident was ridiculous!

How about conversation. Where does etiquette fall in that category? There are some conversations that are best left unsaid. And before being critical, realize that it may make others feel uncomfortable.

For dinnerware that may get broken when guests start throwing plates or crystal in the fireplace or silverware that gets legs:
http://www.replacements.com/

That's the site we used!

Isn't it bad etiquette to get into a fight? lol Especially don't start breaking things.

gringal wrote:

Tony_In_Mexico wrote:I can't imagine being invited to the type of party being discussed here, but just so I'm prepared, what the heck is a furkid? Is it something like a tribble?

ROFL. There's a special "pet culture" around here. Dogs are not referred to as male dogs or (god forbid) bitches.
The are "boy dogs and girl dogs", aka "furkids". Go figure.

I have a dog I'm quite fond of, but if anyone ever hears me refer to him as my child, or sees me treating him like one, please feel free to shoot me.

Chapalagringa wrote:

binky wrote:Back to Basics (for those of us in the not-so-posh crowd):

NO DOUBLE DIPPING!!!

NO HITTING ON OTHER PEOPLE"S SPOUSES!!!

NO STEALING THE SILVERWARE!!!

NO PEEKING IN THE MEDICINE CABINETS!!!

Oh wow! This is great! Last fall I went through my silverware drawer to see what was left. We were fortunately able to order pieces from a discontinued site, although it was a restaurant site & didn't realize the difference...I think the new dinner forks are about 1/2 inch longer than the old ones


How about recognizing there's a 100 guests so don't pile up your plate w/10 servings of dessert or helping oneself to the garnish as it's being prepared!!!!

How about conversation. Where does etiquette fall in that category?

Lawd ha mercy, never invite those scumbags again, or use the new plastic ones that look like silver. Available in Costco. Just pitch them afterwards. Ditto for plates. There are some great looking plastic ones that look like good china. People love those things. Truly. Those you can put into the dishwasher. I stocked up a few years back. Now I'm definitely going for that plastic cutlery in case any light fingered Larry comes to our place. Who in their right minds eats 10 helpings of dessert????? What is this party a confessional for overeaters anonymous who have gone off the wagon?

E-raq, noooo, I don't know who slowly walked off with the silverware but 1 piece makes a great party favor, cultural thing. It happened over 8 years. I DO use the plastic for big parties. It'd take hours taking shifts eating w/a set of 10...actually, I we had a party this summer where someone forgot the plastic and finally it dawned on me to wash the used pieces...not my thing but had to do it.

10 desserts was an exaggeration but the little plate was piled and I'd already cut the pieces smaller to accommodate. What can I say, my dessert is good!!! It's hard to have just one! It was a birthday party silly...a great one, dh just way underestimated the response :(( There were people here I'd never met before & have never seen since, lol

Trust me: people can morph into pigs.
Try attending an opening for a cultural event and observe the free refreshment and drinks table. Notice how fast anything edible or drinkable disappears, whether the consumers pay any attention to the show or not. Gross.

And another little thing: Especially if you have large dogs: Not many people enjoy having their crotch sniffed in their dress up clothes by the owner's pups.......so IMO, it's a good idea to put them elsewhere during the party.

Lori:

I wasn't talking fights but rather it was a reference to eating "Henry the Eighth style". Back in the 70's, there was a wild and crazy restaurant in Seattle called "Henry the 8th" where one could book private parties. It was a flat price per person plus a fee for the private room. The wait staff was dressed in period costumes and the "feast" was brought to the center of the long tables on a wood plank. Very very cheap plates and glasses were provided but no silverware. Food fights and the traditional throwing of glasses or plates into the fireplace were encouraged.

Apparently, they didn't have their true costs calculated properly as they ended up going bankrupt and it wasn't from a lack of business!

gringal wrote:
And another little thing: Especially if you have large dogs: Not many people enjoy having their crotch sniffed in their dress up clothes by the owner's pups.......so IMO, it's a good idea to put them elsewhere during the party.

Absolutely! That is usually the standard for parties and that is why I take some dog cookies and go say hi to the banished ones. I always ask permission first of course.

Chapalagringa wrote:Isn't it bad etiquette to get into a fight? lol Especially don't start breaking things.

In that case, here's another tip...Don't arrive under the influence when visiting someone else's home.

Our first dinner party in San Miguel had one of THOSE guests who proceeded to become more belligerent as the night wore on. When he started a fist fight with another guest, he tore the shirt off the guy, trashed my table and dishes, broke two pots with plants and more than generally pissed me off. I wacked him over the head with a liquor bottle to get him off my hubby who had pulled him off the other guy, he bled and the dinner party ended rather abruptly.

Ferret:

Just the right treatment! It is amazing what some pain does to get their attention! There is a reason that most bars NOB have an oak club or baseball bat behind the bar.

Except that I could have done serious damage and ended up in a Mexican jail. The cops were "muy amable", they arrived and surveyed the damage and made motions with their hands simulating imbibing (I didn't speak much Spanish at the time)...shrugged their shoulders, patted mine, smiled and left.
Que milagro.

ferret wrote:

Chapalagringa wrote:Isn't it bad etiquette to get into a fight? lol Especially don't start breaking things.

In that case, here's another tip...Don't arrive under the influence when visiting someone else's home.

Our first dinner party in San Miguel had one of THOSE guests who proceeded to become more belligerent as the night wore on. When he started a fist fight with another guest, he tore the shirt off the guy, trashed my table and dishes, broke two pots with plants and more than generally pissed me off. I wacked him over the head with a liquor bottle to get him off my hubby who had pulled him off the other guy, he bled and the dinner party ended rather abruptly.

I’ve been to some interesting parties but this had to be very special.

LOL. Understatement of the year Parker.

A couple of years ago I threw together a dinner party for my son and 15 of his friends at his apartment. I brought plenty of food because they are young and ravenous, but I didn't know he only had 4 forks and four plates. So about an hour before they were to arrive he called up his guests and said "Hey! You're coming to dinner right? O.K. ...bring your own fork and plate. And each guy showed up with fork and plate in hand , then washed it and took it home. I think I might be on to something here...wonder what etiquette says about that?

Had a bbq for 20 friends; knowing their different tastes in foods (a few vegetarians, some non-red meat eaters) we grilled three different entrees: locally made Italian sausages; portobellos; and boneless chicken breasts.

The first couple up to the serving table placed one of each entree on to their buns!

ferret wrote:

Chapalagringa wrote:Isn't it bad etiquette to get into a fight? lol Especially don't start breaking things.

In that case, here's another tip...Don't arrive under the influence when visiting someone else's home.

Our first dinner party in San Miguel had one of THOSE guests who proceeded to become more belligerent as the night wore on. When he started a fist fight with another guest, he tore the shirt off the guy, trashed my table and dishes, broke two pots with plants and more than generally pissed me off. I wacked him over the head with a liquor bottle to get him off my hubby who had pulled him off the other guy, he bled and the dinner party ended rather abruptly.

OMG, what a way to start off in SMA. I have to say we have had many many arguments at parties, especially over religion and politics, so I finally invoked the rule of no religion or politics, ever, at the table. This worked really well at sit down dinner parties, however, for large buffets, some people have been known to slink off to the T.V. room and get into it. No fisticuffs, but did have one couple leave in a real hurry without saying goodbye. They had been horribly insulted by two other guests, who had been drinking before they arrived. The offenders have never darkened our doorstep again.

Ferret you and hubby were very brave. I think I would have probably panicked.

Now that we’ve had a bit of discussion of what a person does before and during a party what about after. I have some very flexible rules;

1. Invited twice and declined, no more invites.

2. After two invites, plus show and no attempts on their part at trying to get together again, no more invites. Doesn’t look like a match and there is a slim chance that they're just “free-loaders”.

Your turn.

I'm right there with you Parker, on both counts...and you can add no more invitations to those who cause problems. Life is getting way too short to put up with such inconsiderations and my tolerance for such behaviour is at an all time low.

A question for Ms. Manners (or Amy Vanderbilt):

Dinner party at friends...6 couples, all locals except for an out-of-town couple staying with the host couple. We're all in our 50s/60s.

Pre-dinner, a number of people light up; the 'newbie' husband gets very excited ("wow, I haven't smoked since college!"). Well, after a few tokes, he gets weak-kneed and all but passes out. One guest is an RN, runs to her house across street for her bag. The guy's BP is off the charts as well as his pulse rate. She tells hosts to call 911.

EMTs show up, the guy's a bit back to normal, but they decide to take him to ER for observation.

While the EMTs were tending to the guest on the patio, the hosts fired up the grill and started getting the steaks ready. So, we all waved goodbye to Mr. Marijuana and his wife as the stretcher was loaded onto the ambulance.

Later, as dinner guests will do, the rest of us discussed the proper etiquette: should not have one of the hosts hopped in the ambulance and accompanied the guest (and his wife) to the ER??

Oh, WOW. That's tricky.
IMO, and others may vary: The fool hasn't toked since college and doesn't know his limits? The host's problem; if they feel like ending the party and spending the rest of the evening with the man at the local ER. Sounds like he was stabilized and in no danger. Wife was with him, and the hosts had probably spent considerable time and expense getting ready for the event.

I'd say.....same deal for a drunk.

As for etiquette here: I think people should imbibe in whatever, while keeping their brains in gear. A party is no time to show your dumbest side or your overindulgent side. You are going to be running into your fellow guests after you and they are sober.

I suppose that if the couple with the emergency were new in town and didn't know their way around,it would be appropriate for someone to accompany them to the hospital.
Other than that it sounds like a pretty good party.

Well “binky” since I believe you’re just “pulling-my-leg all I can do is laugh. But if you’re serious the only small bit of advice I might give you is the law on illegal drugs here in Mexico can do considerable damage to foreigners.

Was it wrong to leave their guest stranded, YES!, but IMO these were not the normal circumstances. I believe if this is true, they were probably too stoned to be of any help, if one allows a friend to be stranded.

Happened, honest Injun. In the US, not Mexico.

The hosts weren't that toasted; they were tending to the meal.

I felt if it was at our home, one of us would have accompanied our out of town guests to the ER, and the other could have stayed at the house and continue with the meal.

Take the pot out of the equation:
What do you do in this case if it was (just) a heart attack?

Taking the pot out of the situation, the hosts were ill-mannered not to help their guests. If you invite someone, it becomes your responsibility to help them with whatever comes up.

Miss Manners would have told me to make a reasonable excuse and leave the party at the first whiff of pot smoke. Miss Manners evil twin would have advised me to also score some points with the new police chief with a heads up for drug use.

DonPito wrote:Miss Manners would have told me to make a reasonable excuse and leave the party at the first whiff of pot smoke. Miss Manners evil twin would have advised me to also score some points with the new police chief with a heads up for drug use.

Dude.....not even the EMT's batted an eye or asked any q's.