Party Season Etiquette

O.K., the “Party Season” has begun and I think it would be very interesting to discuss etiquette. We’re all from such different areas and backgrounds it could be very interesting to know, “what’s the right thing to do.” according to your common practices. I’ll start;

1. “Never show-up empty handed” even if the host has stated when you asked “Can I bring anything” the reply was no “Just yourself.” A nice hostess gift preferably or a bottle of wine preferable to their liking. Nothing that is expected to be used at the party unless arrangements are made in advance, your host has already lots to do so putting flower arrangements together is probably not on their To-Do list. Next.

2. Offer to help with clean-up if you are still around at the end, or, if they have hired help for the evening, offer to chip in with a few pesos towards the cost of the help, as it can be many hours work before, during and after to properly look after the needs of a house full of eating, drinking party-goers. No one wants to still be picking bottles of the lawn days later.

Don't arrive early.

I for one would be offended if someone offered to help pay for the help.
As for bringing your own beverages, only if requested or you if you drink something "really" unusual that your host/hostess might be unlikely
to have on hand. What goes around comes around on future invitations to your friends house. Treats for furkids is another story!

4. RSVP to the invite within a decent amount of time, fergawdsakes.

Marrell wrote:I for one would be offended if someone offered to help pay for the help.
As for bringing your own beverages, only if requested or you if you drink something "really" unusual that your host/hostess might be unlikely
to have on hand. What goes around comes around on future invitations to your friends house. Treats for furkids is another story!

Agree Merrell.

Arrive 10 to 15 minutes late. Tip discretely if you must, never in front of the host or hostess. Stay late only if you are very close friends. They will want to unwind and hash it over before going to bed. Treats for fur kids, the sky is the limit. A bottle of wine is obligatory. Alternatively some special dish that the hostess loves and doesn't know how to make is a great substitute- JMHO.

RSVP, bring a little something non-edible, arrive within 10 minutes for dinner and 20 minutes for cocktails, contribute to the conversation, offer over-indulgers a ride home, say thank and send a note.

Please stay out of the kitchen.
Please do not tell the help what to do or try to help them.
Do not tip the bartender or the servers. They get paid and tipped by the host.

If you need something talk to the host.

solajijic wrote:RSVP, bring a little something non-edible, arrive within 10 minutes for dinner and 20 minutes for cocktails, contribute to the conversation, offer over-indulgers a ride home, say thank and send a note.

Please stay out of the kitchen.
Please do not tell the help what to do or try to help them.
Do not tip the bartender or the servers. They get paid and tipped by the host.

If you need something talk to the host.

Agree with two exceptions, I phone. Notes are so unwieldy here. If you really like the bartender/s or waitstaff, you might want to ingratiate yourself, very discretely, out of eyesight of everyone, so you can get them for your next party. Just saying. This is obviously advice for newbies who don't already know who to call. For the rest of you old timers here, don't do it.

Absolutely: Don't arrive early, agreed. On the other hand, don't hold the show up by arriving an hour late, either.
A bottle of wine is a good idea, unless it's a group of non-drinkers, in which case flowers are a nice idea, and....nobody turns down chocolate. LOL.

Milena wrote:2. Offer to help with clean-up if you are still around at the end, or, if they have hired help for the evening, offer to chip in with a few pesos towards the cost of the help, as it can be many hours work before, during and after to properly look after the needs of a house full of eating, drinking party-goers. No one wants to still be picking bottles of the lawn days later.

Milena; Where I’m from paying for anything at a private home would never be expected. This is what makes all our different backgrounds so interesting. Actually I was really surprised once when a couple put out a tip jar to help pay for a music band they decided to hire. To me this was very crass, but interesting, with different backgrounds and how we try to understand things.

Carry Bean wrote:Don't arrive early.

This is an issue. Over the years we’ve decided we’ll just be ready at least 30 minutes before expected arrival time and enjoy a cocktail beforehand. Only once in over forty some years has any anyone come earlier (an hour) but they did call from their Cell-phone and asked if they should keep driving around the block or if it was O.K. to come in. They’re very good friends and could only help us by getting our drinks. Life is special in that way.

Written in red is me.

ferret wrote:Besides a hostess gift (or a gift) of wine, we always bring our own drinks too...and cookies for their furkids.

2) "Never show-up LATE"...your host and hostess have put in a good deal of effort to prepare you a nice dinner...that is TIMED accordingly.

3) "Never STAY late"...or I'll just get up and thank you for coming but I'm going to bed now.

Well I agree with most of what you have to say except ("Never STAY late") the after party is generally the most fun! There is a level of honesty I just really enjoy.

Marrell wrote:I for one would be offended if someone offered to help pay for the help.
As for bringing your own beverages, only if requested or you if you drink something "really" unusual that your host/hostess might be unlikely
to have on hand. What goes around comes around on future invitations to your friends house. Treats for furkids is another story!

We must have been raised with similar backgrounds. If one can’t be happy for one evening drinking water to be with others that provide social interest, perhaps it’s not them?

Rosa Venus wrote:4. RSVP to the invite within a decent amount of time, fergawdsakes.

An absolute!!!

Pardon, but the "level of honesty" is definitely something I can do without, and I'll betcha most of you know what I mean. People often have "secret spiller's remorse" later. Not good for friendships.

I'd rather the hosts get a chance to pick up after, have a private jawboning without the guests and collapse into bed.

E-raq wrote:

Marrell wrote:I for one would be offended if someone offered to help pay for the help.
As for bringing your own beverages, only if requested or you if you drink something "really" unusual that your host/hostess might be unlikely
to have on hand. What goes around comes around on future invitations to your friends house. Treats for furkids is another story!

Agree Merrell.

Arrive 10 to 15 minutes late. Tip discretely if you must, never in front of the host or hostess. Stay late only if you are very close friends. They will want to unwind and hash it over before going to bed. Treats for fur kids, the sky is the limit. A bottle of wine is obligatory. Alternatively some special dish that the hostess loves and doesn't know how to make is a great substitute- JMHO.

I believe a thoughtful “Hostess Gift” is very much appreciated. Getting a bottle of wine that has been circulating for more than a couple of years and has turned to vinegar because of improper storage is no longer considered a gift.

Right offhand, I can't imagine anyone who would bring a bottle of over-the-hill wine to their hostess........not if they expected to be invited back during their lifetime!

The host or hostess may say not to bring anything, but I think it is both rude and cheap not to bring a bottle of wine. Not one of those specials, 3 fer or 4 fer at Paz, but a good brand.

Never arrive early. What constitutes "STAY LATE"? Before they leave, lots of hugs and thank yous.

After they leave, next day, send a nice "Thank You" email. I always do.

em, did we forget Mexican Etiquette?

Gee, I've hosted parties w/70+ people over the years both here and there in 3 different US states and never once got a bottle of wine.... :-S hahaha

Chapalagringa wrote:em, did we forget Mexican Etiquette?

Gee, I've hosted parties w/70+ people over the years both here and there in 3 different US states and never once got a bottle of wine.... :-S hahaha

When we have guests for dinner, they ALWAYS bring a bottle or two of wine. My friends from Mississauga are coming in December until January. He will always bring 3 bottles of high quality wine to the house.

joec wrote:
When we have guests for dinner, they ALWAYS bring a bottle or two of wine. My friends from Mississauga are coming in December until January. He will always bring 3 bottles of high quality wine to the house.

Well Speed, considering that you don't drink (because of your medical condition - I understand) I would, too. Just to make sure there was some.

joec wrote:The host or hostess may say not to bring anything, but I think it is both rude and cheap not to bring a bottle of wine. Not one of those specials, 3 fer or 4 fer at Paz, but a good brand.

Never arrive early. What constitutes "STAY LATE"? Before they leave, lots of hugs and thank yous.

After they leave, next day, send a nice "Thank You" email. I always do.

Well you’re invited to our next get-together. (I’m assuming you mean the guest send the host a nice thank-you note although it might work both ways.) I really appreciate those E-mails, even though perhaps there not all the truth. The way I look at it, I worked hard for it. Thanks for bringing up this point.

P.S. If we can’t seem to find a nice hostess gift we try to find a nice liqueur. We found some “Lemonchello’ (sp?) at a great savings awhile back and stocked up, I’m happy.

Chapalagringa wrote:em, did we forget Mexican Etiquette?

Gee, I've hosted parties w/70+ people over the years both here and there in 3 different US states and never once got a bottle of wine.... :-S hahaha

I believe in Mexico they would more than likely bring a gratuity and something for the table (Tequila), No?

Parker wrote:

Chapalagringa wrote:em, did we forget Mexican Etiquette?

Gee, I've hosted parties w/70+ people over the years both here and there in 3 different US states and never once got a bottle of wine.... :-S hahaha

I believe in Mexico they would more than likely bring a gratuity and something for the table (Tequila), No?

Tequila sure,but I don't understand the gratuity thing.