Party Season Etiquette

Parker wrote:

Chapalagringa wrote:em, did we forget Mexican Etiquette?

Gee, I've hosted parties w/70+ people over the years both here and there in 3 different US states and never once got a bottle of wine.... :-S hahaha

I believe in Mexico they would more than likely bring a gratuity and something for the table (Tequila), No?

Tequila sure,but I don't understand the gratuity thing.

I've had Mexican's show up ONCE on time or even 15 minutes early and that's because they've spent time in the US w/an American family and knew it was American etiquette is to be on time and didn't want to miss Thanksgiving dinner. For us, 5 min late is acceptable, 10 min late w/out a call is about the,"I'm irritated point," 30 min is unacceptable. Our time is of value. Mexican etiquette is to show up. The later you show up, the more important you are.

Hosting parties here w/both, sometimes multiple, nations present is a hoot. All the English speakers show up right on time, without fail, while all the latinos arrive 15 min-1 hour after the hour, even had guests arrive at 12 a.m. for an evening party!!! 1/2 hour is acceptable, 1 hour is irritating, 2 hours may be unacceptable but they're still glad you came, better late than never. You probably won't get a call unless it's for business and even then it's ify. If you do get a call, they're on their way, 5 min, and an hour later they pull up. jaja It makes eating in shifts easier.

I know very few people that will still show up with something in hand, a small gift, if I've told them to just come but try to remember those that do as they're people with a gifts love language and would probably appreciate one in return if receiving an invitation to their house.

Invitations in Mexico are pretty much invite everyone and share what you have, the goal is being together, enjoying one another's company is most valuable. Even enjoying the process of making it happen. My all Mexican parties are much more relaxed than those w/English speakers. English speakers you have to have everything just right or they feel uncomfortable. Trying to please both sides is a challenge yet fun. Ok, it does still stress me out but I try to make the best of it. After nearly 9 years...if it's a bi lingual party, for sure there are some English speakers, not understanding the culture, that are offended by Mexican etiquette and I feel caught in the middle...ok vented. It does make it easier if I say to one side, "hey, were doing things Mexican," vis versa, "it's buffet, we're doing things American." That's the best line ever!!!! :)

We had a wedding this year in our family and oh boy, could we talk about cultural etiquette, haha but NOT HERE!!! too funny It's only funny because it's not the way WE would do things and seems so backward or uneducated but completely acceptable and considered good etiquette here. I find being appreciative, observe and go with the flow works best. Oh and I try to cover up those etiquette things I may lack while hosting by announcing that I'm not a formal person, make yourself at home and it's buffet! :P Although a year ago, I made it point to figure out how to make a pretty table and fold the napkins just so. It was fun.

So does etiquette just fall into time, hostess gift and when to go home or is there more??? Dress attire? Does one need to run out and pick up a party dress, w/limited funds or just find something nice that's already hanging in the closet? My problem is I like casual all the time. Jeans, jeans and more jeans, dress up the jeans w/a blouse and it's my own fault for feeling out of place I guess. Or cover it all up in a great jacket! jajaja

p.s. Mexican thank you's are said when you leave, sometimes you'll get an email but a card is almost unheard of here, very rare. Your wonderful time together will be reminisced in years to come which is great gratitude for the time spent together :)

We don't do pot luck or BYOB parties. Kathy is a huge planner and she simply will not burden others outside of our household with any responsibilities. Standard answer if people ask what they can bring is: "nothing". Now should people show up with a gift, a bottle of wine or booze or something else appropriate, they will not be turned down. But if someone shows up with nothing as instructed, there won't be any criticism! Thank you notes, emails or verbal are appreciated.

We have a similar attitude when we go out for dinner with others. We don't do split checks.

Now if you're invited to eat/party with Mexicans, if there's a table, the hostess will have you sit and serve you first. Food is individually served as it's ready, and you'll go ahead and start eating w/those who also have been served and if it's a large group, shifts will be taken. When you're done, you'll make room at the table for the next group.

Have you ever notice how small the dining room tables are? There isn't room to set the food on the table other than hot tortillas :) You are individually served and there isn't as much buffet served. I was trying to think back over that past 9 years to how many buffets we ate at when we ate at individual home parties and I could only think of two times. One was a large staff home party. Other than a group activity that once again, my dh was in charge of it so it was buffet. Weddings, birthdays, casual get togethers, all of them were sit down, individually served. Christmas Eve we were served dinner at 1 a.m., Christmas morning, and it was buffet.

We didn't come from a big city in the states where there's a lot of night life, like in Guadalajara. There, sometimes the party is just starting at 12 a.m. bringing in the mariachi band from down the street. Folks out here in the lakeside area are more normal, haha. Well, they tend to go to bed much earlier or wind the party down earlier and get up earlier to work, therefore, later nights aren't as common with the folks we know. That may be because of younger families w/smaller children. I was shocked at our first early Christmas party we hosted here lakeside, thinking our Mexican guests would stay till midnight, they left at 8 p.m. Not sure if they thought that was American??? It was bazaar! I couldn't believe it. Mexicans are more aware of our traditions/etiquette here lakeside than Guadalajara and I'm sure the more educated and wealthier have what we consider more etiquette in Guadalajara on the richer side than the popular side.

There, seems balanced now, lol

viajero wrote:

Parker wrote:

Chapalagringa wrote:em, did we forget Mexican Etiquette?

Gee, I've hosted parties w/70+ people over the years both here and there in 3 different US states and never once got a bottle of wine.... :-S hahaha

I believe in Mexico they would more than likely bring a gratuity and something for the table (Tequila), No?

Tequila sure,but I don't understand the gratuity thing.

I’ve lived over 25 years in a Spanish culture and it was always appropriate to bring to bring money (gratuity, donation) to help offset the cost of the Fiesta. (Many times there would be more than 300 people.) This is why learning others differences is so interesting. In my up-bringing money would be an insult but that is just very unpractical. (Personally, I don’t need another bottle of wine that I’m not going to drink.) I find the Mexican culture very practical and respect it as such but no matter where I’ve lived all people with good hearts love their families, friends and their communities, without exceptions.

Parker, I've never heard of such a gratuity. In this culture, be it a fiesta, there are padrinos(godparents) who are asked to help cover expenses. Who are you giving this gratuity too? Maybe we'd like to invite you to our next big party, hehe

Chapalagringa wrote:Parker, I've never heard of such a gratuity. In this culture, be it a fiesta, there are padrinos(godparents) who are asked to help cover expenses. Who are you giving this gratuity too? Maybe we'd like to invite you to our next big party, hehe

And you’ve never received a bottle of wine as a hostess gift. Your lifestyle has been far different from mine but still very interesting don’t you think, No?

Goodness me parker quite the little socialite these days aren't we. Bad wine, was that meant to be a little barb sent my way? Well, my method of dealing with these things is to return the bottle to the original couple, at their next big party, obviously in a different bag. Total anonymity.

On to a couple of other comments. This is isn't Kansas anymore, Parker, this is dog eat dog stuff here, survival of the fittest. The savvy hostess knows very well with which caterer she needs to ingratiate herself. She also know exactly who the best bartenders are, and tips them lavishly at every opportunity. She has her own wait staff, in the person of her maid plus one or two of her maids' friends.

The savvy hostess who throws a large fiesta, does not do anything other than organize, as Neil's wife does. She hires the best caterer in town, who brings all the food, cleans up everything and departs quietly, while the host and hostess and their very closest friends have a little post party chit chat over cognac, until everyone goes home replete and satisfied at whatever hour that may be depending on age and health issues. The host and hostess wake up to a sparkling clean kitchen, and a nice fresh cup of coffee. Their big party of the year a huge success.

Well, that's about it Parker, good luck and happy partying.

E-raq:

One minor correction in our case - if the host and hostess want to wake up to a sparkling clean kitchen, then they have to take care of matters before retiring and that is the rule. HA!

I can't imagine being invited to the type of party being discussed here, but just so I'm prepared, what the heck is a furkid? Is it something like a tribble?

It's a pet. If I'm having a dinner party, I REALLY appreciate people leaving me alone in the kitchen to do the last minute finishing up to get the food on the table. There's always something that needs to be done & it's a pain if someone is asking for something or otherwise getting in my way.

ferret wrote:Ahhh, the joys of having help that exist here don't usually exist NOB. I've done the big parties (100+ people) and done it all myself including the clean up. Been there, done that and I don't do it any more.
I will have a dinner party for no more than six people. I want good conversation, good food and lots of laughs with good people. KISS.

Oh Lord, our largest was 60, and we also did all the cooking, but the maids did most of the cleanup. No longer my friend this year after a break of several years, we're going the fully catered route. We used to do dinner parties for 10, but not anymore. Same rule as you 6 or at a monster push 8. Can't be bothered getting the extra leaves out from under the bed.

Neil we had just two for dinner last night. Pool guy did his chef bit, and bartender bit. I did the cleanup. No way for the help messing about while your having a nice quiet dinner party.

E-raq wrote:

ferret wrote:Ahhh, the joys of having help that exist here don't usually exist NOB. I've done the big parties (100+ people) and done it all myself including the clean up. Been there, done that and I don't do it any more.
I will have a dinner party for no more than six people. I want good conversation, good food and lots of laughs with good people. KISS.

Oh Lord, our largest was 60, and we also did all the cooking, but the maids did most of the cleanup. No longer my friend this year after a break of several years, we're going the fully catered route. We used to do dinner parties for 10, but not anymore. Same rule as you 6 or at a monster push 8. Can't be bothered getting the extra leaves out from under the bed.

Neil we had just two for dinner last night. Pool guy did his chef bit, and bartender bit. I did the cleanup. No way for the help messing about while your having a nice quiet dinner party.

We usually invite two or four for dinner. Nicer that way. This year we may have 6 at Christmas which will give a total of 8 people. Four are coming so far. Adding 2 leaves to the table and making more food is the only difference. Picking up more dishes and rinsing them for the dishwasher. My partner likes no one in the kitchen when he's cooking and the kitchen is larger than most.

ferret wrote:Ahhh, the joys of having help that exist here don't usually exist NOB. I've done the big parties (100+ people) and done it all myself including the clean up. Been there, done that and I don't do it any more.
I will have a dinner party for no more than six people. I want good conversation, good food and lots of laughs with good people. KISS.

I enjoy most parties from formal to Hot Dogs in the back yard but I prefer a smaller get together.

E-raq wrote:Goodness me parker quite the little socialite these days aren't we. Bad wine, was that meant to be a little barb sent my way? Well, my method of dealing with these things is to return the bottle to the original couple, at their next big party, obviously in a different bag. Total anonymity.
On to a couple of other comments. This is isn't Kansas anymore, Parker, this is dog eat dog stuff here, survival of the fittest. The savvy hostess knows very well with which caterer she needs to ingratiate herself. She also know exactly who the best bartenders are, and tips them lavishly at every opportunity. She has her own wait staff, in the person of her maid plus one or two of her maids' friends.

The savvy hostess who throws a large fiesta, does not do anything other than organize, as Neil's wife does. She hires the best caterer in town, who brings all the food, cleans up everything and departs quietly, while the host and hostess and their very closest friends have a little post party chit chat over cognac, until everyone goes home replete and satisfied at whatever hour that may be depending on age and health issues. The host and hostess wake up to a sparkling clean kitchen, and a nice fresh cup of coffee. Their big party of the year a huge success.

Well, that's about it Parker, good luck and happy partying.

Oh, I think I get it, let me know if I’m wrong but this is you being sarcastic because you think I’m talking about some rich To-Do. Yes I’ve been to some of those but wasn’t thinking about those at the time. These are very large families put on a Fiesta and all the families participate in bringing food, clean-up etc. Hell I’ve been to several here in Mexico. In fact the last one had over 300 guest.

"Total anonymity" hardly, they probably gave it to you last year, you know what goes around, comes around.

Back to Basics (for those of us in the not-so-posh crowd):

NO DOUBLE DIPPING!!!

NO HITTING ON OTHER PEOPLE"S SPOUSES!!!

NO STEALING THE SILVERWARE!!!

NO PEEKING IN THE MEDICINE CABINETS!!!

Yes Binky that is seriously good advice.

One last thing, do not go into the hostesses drawers. Yes that did happen to me at a party for 60, not kidding!!!!!

Hope you are talking the cabinet/dresser/desk type drawers and not the other type!

CheenaGringo wrote:Hope you are talking the cabinet/dresser/desk type drawers and not the other type!

Dresser drawers Neil, including a diary.

Tony_In_Mexico wrote:I can't imagine being invited to the type of party being discussed here, but just so I'm prepared, what the heck is a furkid? Is it something like a tribble?

ROFL. There's a special "pet culture" around here. Dogs are not referred to as male dogs or (god forbid) bitches.
The are "boy dogs and girl dogs", aka "furkids". Go figure.

I prefer, "fur faces."

binky wrote:I prefer, "fur faces."

I prefer “fur-butts” always gets me a smile.

I sort of just like "dogs." (or cats)

binky wrote:Back to Basics (for those of us in the not-so-posh crowd):

NO DOUBLE DIPPING!!!

NO HITTING ON OTHER PEOPLE"S SPOUSES!!!

NO STEALING THE SILVERWARE!!!

NO PEEKING IN THE MEDICINE CABINETS!!!

Oh wow! This is great! Last fall I went through my silverware drawer to see what was left. We were fortunately able to order pieces from a discontinued site, although it was a restaurant site & didn't realize the difference...I think the new dinner forks are about 1/2 inch longer than the old ones

How about recognizing there's a 100 guests so don't pile up your plate w/10 servings of dessert or helping oneself to the garnish as it's being prepared!!!! We had a party here during the summer where the guests just kept coming...ikes, and I was embarrassingly under prepared! That could also be a good etiquette thought, be overly prepared rather than under....but this incident was ridiculous!

How about conversation. Where does etiquette fall in that category? There are some conversations that are best left unsaid. And before being critical, realize that it may make others feel uncomfortable.