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Post by papirex on Sat Jul 16, 2011 3:50 pm

Heaviest Element Yet Known to Science Discovered

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.


Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2, 4. or 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons
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Post by hockables on Sat Jul 16, 2011 5:06 pm

LOL


I borrowed that and sent it off to others...

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Post by papirex on Sat Jul 16, 2011 5:26 pm

You're welcome Hocks. I swiped it from an email my eldest son sent me about a year and a half ago. It seems appropriate with the low-jinks going on now about raising the debt limit.

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Post by ferret on Sat Jul 16, 2011 9:10 pm

I enjoyed it too Papirex...although I'm sure it applies to all government in any country.
Here's one that a friend sent yesterday....
The Canadian government today announced that it is changing its emblem from a Beaver to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance....A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!

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Post by Parker on Sun Jul 17, 2011 1:20 am

All the above, IMHO is true. I shall forward “papirex” memo too! Hahaha! Very Happy

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Post by espíritu del lago on Sun Jul 17, 2011 4:02 pm

And for all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
'If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon'

In response to Bill Gates's comments, Ford issued a press release, stating:
'If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

(I love the next one!!!)
7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as in the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

PS - I 'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!d to that :
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Post by ferret on Sun Jul 17, 2011 9:28 pm

ROFLMAO!...
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Post by Parker on Mon Jul 18, 2011 12:58 am

Me too! Very Happy

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