GOLF STORY, MIGHT EVEN GET NON GOLFERS TO LAUGH

Be careful of those golf swings




BUTTERCUPS AND GOLF BALLS

Towards the end of the golf course, Tom hit his ball into the woods and found it in a
patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch..

All of a sudden... POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?

Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the
rest of your life; better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your
life. As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"

Then POOF! ... She was gone!

After Tom recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend,



"Fred, where are you?"

Fred yells back, "I'm over here in the pussy willows."

Tom shouts back, 'DON'T SWING FRED; FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!!!'

In My Hand  I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, And Rather  Small..
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This  Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

By Its  Size I Could Not Guess
The Awesome Strength  It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its  Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of  Hell.

My Life Has Not Been Quite The  Same
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid  Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;
A  Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made  Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself And  Want To Die.
It Promises Me A Thing Called  Par,
If I Hit It Straight And It Goes Far.

To  Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very  Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball  Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It  Chooses.

It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles  And Dies,
And Disappears Before My  Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A  Tree Or Take A Swim.

With Miles Of Grass  On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of  Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If  Only It Would Find The Hole.

It's Made Me  Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will  Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My  Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be  Back Tomorrow.

I did not laugh out loud but I did snicker.  

Three old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf.

The pro asked, “Did you guys have a good game today?”

The first old guy said, “I had the most riders ever. I had five.”
The second old guy said, “I had 7 riders, the same as last time.”
The last old man said, “I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today.”

After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, “I’ve been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what’s a rider?”

The pro said, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it.”