FOR USA GOLFERS

Does OBAMA CARE cover the YIPS? I've got a bad case of them!

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would yew take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the

hospital.

Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.

"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good
news?"

"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's
arm.

I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."

"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course
when he bumped into the surgeon. "Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.

"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life.

My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."

"That's great," said the surgeon.

"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've
learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes
in watercolours."
"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was
such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"

"Well, just one problem," said the golfer.

"Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache.  

One day I accidentally overturned my cart.
Elizabeth, a very attractive golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out,
“Are you okay?"

"It’s Jack , and I’m OK thanks," I replied.

"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later. "

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, “but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty and persuasive.

"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a restorative brandy, and some driving and putting lessons, I thanked my host.
"I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."

"Don't be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Under the cart!" I said....

Walter Hagen, a great golfer from yesteryear had a great philosophy in life......"You are only here for a short visit", so don't hurry, don't worry, and don't forget to stop and smell the flowers!

Wow, how much I have missed!!!  

Lee Trevino was cleaning the windows of his home in El Paso when an anglo lady saw him and stopped to ask him how much he charged,he replied;I don't charge anything but the lady of the house lets me sleep with her.True story.

viajero wrote:Lee Trevino was cleaning the windows of his home in El Paso when an anglo lady saw him and stopped to ask him how much he charged,he replied;I don't charge anything but the lady of the house lets me sleep with her.True story.

Did she give him her address?

Here's some more humor from Trevino;He was struck by lightning in the Western Open,asked by a reporter what he would do if it started storming again while he was playing he said he would hold a 1 iron straight up in the air because "even God can't hit a 1 iron".

Lee Trevino and Chi Chi Rodriguez were playing and exhibition match. Walking down the 5th Fairway, Lee says to Chi Chi, look there are some Puerto Rican Condo's........Pointing at the Porta Pots!..........Chi Chi replied.........yeah Lee we rent the basements put to the Mexicans!

True story!

Just got scammed out of $25.
I bought the Tiger Woods DVD "My Favorite 18 Holes".
Turns out it's about golf.  
Absolute waste of money!