Top 31 THANGS You will never hear a SOUTHERN BOY Say:

> 31. When I retire, I'm movin' north.
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> 30. Oh I just couldn't. She's only eighteen.
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> 29. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
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> 28. Duct tape won't fix that.
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> 27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
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> 26. We don't keep firearms in this house.
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> 25. You can't feed THAT to the dog.
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> 24. That car is too old and unsafe to drive.
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> 23. Wrestling is fake.
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> 22. We're vegetarians.
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> 21. Do you think my gut is too big?
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> 20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
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> 19. Honey, we don't need another dog.
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> 18. Who gives a rat's ass who won the Civil War?
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> 17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
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> 16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
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> 15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
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> 14. Trim the fat off that steak.
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> 13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
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> 12. The tires on that truck are too big.
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> 11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.
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> 10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
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> 9. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
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> 8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
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> 7. Checkmate
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> 6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
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> 5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
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> 4. I don't have a favorite college team.
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> 3. You guys.
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> 2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Becky Mae.....darlin'
>
>
> AND THE NUMBER ONE THANG THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:
>
>
> 1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving!

31. I thought it was "retar."
23. I though it was "wrasslin."

Why darlin'.... ah was sixteen afore I evah knowed that DamnYankee was actually two words. Lizzy

[
[b]
Smart assed Yankee Retards:

When I retire, I'm movin' north.
When Ah Retar if Ah move any farther south Ah¨ll drown in the Gulf-
>
> 30. Oh I just couldn't. She's only eighteen.

Eighteen mah ass.
If Melba Jean is over 12 she´s used merchandise.

> 29. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
Humor beyond Dawg´s scope of thought (thawt).
>
> 28. Duct tape won't fix that.
Yáll seen any Bandaids?
>
> 27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

Not comprehensable. Dis yáll man Pabst Blue Ribbin? >
> 2. We don't keep firearms in this house.

We keep them in the trailer and the back window of the pickup.
>
> 25. You can't feed THAT to the dog.

We.ll feed anything to the Dawg including Aunt Maude.
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> 24. That car is too old and unsafe to drive.

Neever disparage Dawg´s 1957 Chevy.
>
> 23. Wrestling is fake.

And yo´re aunt is actually yo´re uncle
>
> 22. We're vegetarians.

We eat collards three times a day and turnips every Thursday. Poke is served when the butcher kills the sumbitch.
>
> 21. Do you think my gut is too big?

If Ah Cain still walk Ah bees well balanced.

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

A well abalanced diet does not include the ability to float on your ass while being fornicated.
d l >
> 19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

We´re aready too fat from eating the last three.

> 18. Who gives a rat's ass who won the Civil War?

Thank God we last that one and the French lost Algeria or I would have ended up with Melba Jean Cumbie living in a trailer in Luverne drinking Pepsie all day and runig oyster hit through my teeth.

> 17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

Plus a couple of pickled hard boiled aiggs and another Pabst Blue Ribbon with a white lightning chaser.
f
>
> 16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

Giant dried penises as wall decore make me wet.
>
> 15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

Except Thelma Thompson who, since her teeth fell out, has become the best gummer on the planet

>Dawg inadnertenty erased d #14.

> 13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

Both are better with calvados.
>
> 12. The tires on that truck are too big.

But good sex is facilitated.
>
> 11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

What´s that?
>
> 10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

If served with Southern Comfort.
>
> 9. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

WalMart canceled her account afrter she complained that her bouffant beehive collapsed.
>
> 8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

What the fuck is "Zima"?

ENOUGH:
>
> 7. Checkmate
>
> 6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
>
> 5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
>
> 4. I don't have a favorite college team.
>
> 3. You guys.
>
> 2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Becky Mae.....darlin'
>
>
> AND THE NUMBER ONE THANG THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:
>
>
> 1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving![/quote]

Well played Mr. Dawg.......

[quote="CanuckBob"]Well played Mr. Dawg.......[/quote]

Thank you CB even if you are an effete snob living in the single finest neighborhood in North America and looking down on us rednecks assigned to the flats.


Sorry Dawg cannot make it to your old fart gabfest this afternoon. I´ll bet I could sell a ton of incontenence panties there after the second round of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Of course, there is already the lake the toxicity of which will remain consistent even having been injected with substantially more human liquid excretions.

I do hope your get-together is successful and I enjoy your forum immensely, er, occassionally.