Isn't That The Truth

That sums it up.

Through all the bad times

Although her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, his wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he finally came to, he motioned for her to come closer.

As she sat on the bed beside him he said, "You know what? You've been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to comfort me. When I went bankrupt and lost my business, you stood by me. When I got shot by a burglar, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you were there to support me. Even though my health started failing, you were still by my side..."

"Now that I think about it, it sure looks to me like you bring me bad luck."

ferret wrote:

hockables wrote:Through all the bad times

Although her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, his wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he finally came to, he motioned for her to come closer.

As she sat on the bed beside him he said, "You know what? You've been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to comfort me. When I went bankrupt and lost my business, you stood by me. When I got shot by a burglar, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you were there to support me. Even though my health started failing, you were still by my side..."

"Now that I think about it, it sure looks to me like you bring me bad luck."

When's the funeral?

Some have luck, others don’t…. hahaha!

A guy walks into a bar and notices he's the only one there, apart from the barkeep, who's on the phone. The barkeep signals him that he'll be with him in a minute. The guy nods and bellies up to the bar to wait. Suddenly, he hears a little voice say, "Hey, you're looking pretty sharp today. New suit?"

The guy looks around but can't see anyone else in the place. He hears the voice again. "Seriously...you are looking good, chum. Have you lost weight?"

The guy looks around again and still doesn't see anyone. "Hello?" he asks. "Is someone speaking to me?"

"You bet! I just had to say that I thought you were looking just super!" A bunch of other tiny voices suddenly rose in agreement.

The guy realizes now that these voices are coming from a bowl of beer nuts on the bar in front of him. He stares at them as the barkeep finally hangs up and comes to serve his only customer.

"What'll you have?" asks the barkeep.

"What! ?... Oh, a pint of ale, I guess", mutters the guy, still staring at the nuts.

He finally looks up at the barkeep drawing his pint. "What's the deal with these nuts?" he asks.

The barkeep brings the guy's pint over and sets it before him. "They're complimentary", he shrugs.

The International Council of Man Laws.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other guy watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach .... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, limegreen, orange or sky blue..

25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox360. End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.. Ever.

27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your Wife squarely on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'