I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir; all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!’ His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MN
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair since.
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
-- >From Kansas City
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.’ Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.
How would you pronounce this child's name? "Le-a"
Leah?? NO Lee - A?? NOPE Lay - a?? NO Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha". When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this, please remember to pronounce the dash
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.
They walk among us......and they have babies
- Share Holder
- Posts : 5153
Join date : 2010-04-24
Age : 72
Location : Chapala
Humor : Whenever I need it!
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind. ?
Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. ........Nothing.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan! He is making land Mines that look like prayer mats!
Its doing well!..... Prophets are going through the roof!
- Share Holder
- Posts : 3738
Join date : 2010-04-06
Great stuff. I have noticed that Mx teenagers, any Mexican for that matter, knows how to make change. I've stopped counting the dumb looks I get NOB when I try to facilitate the change making process, in fact I've given up. It's just more change for the freakin parking meters. Three and a half minutes for a quarter, welcome to Vancouver, B.C.
- Share Holder
- Posts : 913
Join date : 2011-07-07
Age : 69
Location : vancouver
Humor : humor is spelt incorrectly
Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum