DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS!

Urologist appointment



   Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam. Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted. The waiting room was filled with patients. As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. I gave her my name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?” All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man. But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, “NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.” The room erupted in applause!  DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS!!!

I love it! Great response!

Arthur is 85 years old.

He's played golf every day since his retirement 20 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast.
"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so
bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes.. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't
you take my brother with you, and give it one more try."

"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is ninety two. He can't help."

"He may be ninety two," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball ?"

"Of course I did !", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go ?" asks Arthur.

"Can't remember."

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf much later than normal and was very tired.
"Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

"Oh, that's awful!"

"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."

I bought 2 cases of Corona at the Paz Beer Store and placed them on the front seat and I needed some gas.

I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.

She glanced at the beer, bent over, and knocked on my passenger window.

With her bra-less breasts almost falling out her skimpy top she said, in a sexy voice,

"I'm a big believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?" ....

I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"