OK, OK Already - I Finally Get It

A wheelbarrow imported (imported, for God´s sake) from the United States. hardly worn brown boots, 28 old hardcover National Geographic books, a pineapple design door knob, a, hardly used Sears exercise bike, a slide projector with, no doubt, many slides of African women with big tits hanging out, scores of Walt Disney original cartoons, a turntable and countless old records with, no doubt, at least one featuring Rosemary Clooney singing "Shrimpboats Are A-Comin´" and all for sale for peanuts and still overpriced and the seller of these precious items is leaving the most prestigious and wonderful fraccionamiento in all of Mexico for some poophole in the hardscrabble California desert. Who, may I ask, will now inform us poor morons left behind as to the best places to eat mediocre food at Lakeside? What will those retards in John´s Supper Club do now that there is no one around to tell them what bad food they like and don´t like. I could never actually put my finger on exactly who John-In-Ajijic was but now I know.

He´s Elmer Fudd.

Wabbit

Some kind of posting error.

Another posting error.

Something´s amiss here. What is going on here mod?

Such as this video:

MEOUWWWW!!!

I weely, weely, wike it!

John:

I want you to know that, although I was having fun at your expense here, I, The Dawg, will miss you and, over the past ten years I have found your posts to be generally entertaining even if I often disagreed with you. After all. if we all agreed on all matters brought up for discussion we would be bored to tears.

Thanks for your contributions hereabouts, good luck on selling your abode and have fun in California - a place Dawg fled and to which there is no chance I will ever return but that´s just me. After all, I married a Parisienne so why would I return to the farm once I have seen Paree? Here´s a glass of burgundy and a bit of foie gras on toast points to you.

And, Gringal can kiss my butt.

Where is the like button???????????????

I think I understand some of this, but with Hound Dog one is never sure.

Okay, who is "John-In-Ajijic" and why and to where in the People's Republic of California is he moving?

uj

Uncle Jack wrote:I think I understand some of this, but with Hound Dog one is never sure.

Okay, who is "John-In-Ajijic" and why and to where in the People's Republic of California is he moving?

uj

Here's a straight answer: John is a man who lives in an upscale gated development near Ajijic. He has a group of friends and neighbors who formed a "dining group" and he reports on their experiences. He's also set up a "dining guide" referring to the various restaurants in the Lakeside area, complete with ratings and addresses; phone numbers. He admits to not liking Mexican food. He has some health problems which have caused him to want to move back to the U.S. after his house here is sold. He's indicated that he wants to move somewhere in Southern California. That's just the facts, sir.

I doubt any of the people who rag on John have actually met the man. I don't agree with all of his opinions about various restaurants, but I don't see anyone else stepping up to the plate to offer their own restaurant list. Newbies here would probably appreciate more than one.

[quote="Uncle Jack"]I think I understand some of this, but with Hound Dog one is never sure.

Okay, who is "John-In-Ajijic" and why and to where in the People's Republic of California is he moving?

uj [/quote]

Hi, UJ, this is Hound Dog/Bubba. Nice to hear from you again. I have also been wondering where John was moving although this quandary is not keeping me awake so, as a 40 year resident of the Golden State, Dawg has decided to list a few places that John could afford even if he sells his modest abode in Los Arroyos Sur for the full price he is asking which is highl unlikely at best:

Assuming John gets to California with the amount of dinero in his pocket or the credit-worthiness required to mortgage a residence, Dawg predicts he will end up in:

* Fresno
* Bakersfield
* Modesto
* Merced
* The so-called "Inland Empire" which incudes a number of unattractive urban sh*tholes
* Marysville or anywhere in redneck Yolo County
* Eureka
* Compton
* Yreka
* Some trailer park in the Mojave Desert located in any craphole methamphetamine factory retard community
* Orergon - the end of the line and place of lost hopes for those without a zipcode or potato sack to sleep in and orange crate upon which to rest one´s head

Californiua for God´s sake. At least the traffic will all be moving in the opposite direction.

Yea, they are moving in droves to TX.

I think he wanted to be very near MCRD

I have a picture of John in Ajijic I have had for years waiting for the right time to post it, now that he is leaving should I post it?

espíritu del lago wrote:Yea, they are moving in droves to TX.

Ah, yes. The inevitable reverse migration. Forget Henry Fonda and The Grapes of Wrath. The time has come for George Clooney starring in The Mesquite Bushes or Wrath as our old friend John In Ajijic leaves that new trailer he just bought in Bakersfield and heads for Hayfork, TX to try to find work in a meth lab as the massive deportation of Mexicans has freed up all sorts of employment opportunities in the Number 1 industry in Texas since all the cotton trees died from lack of rain. Hey, maybe Hound Dog can move back to Alabama and become a meth runner for John´s employer hauling meth to Mobile just like my 1950s hero in Thunder Road running moonshine to Memphis. Dawgette can be my moll waiting patiently in the trailer in Hayfork to see if I make it back in one piece in my souped-up Nissan XTrail with the racing stripes and white-wall "tars" and the plastic Jesus on the dashboard showing me the way. Definitely some blockbuster potential here.

I don't care if it rains or freezes.........

sittin' on the dashboard of my ca aaar...Yeeha!

In all kinds of stormy weather .....

I had know idea it had so MANY verses!

Plastic Jesus
- Ernie Marrs; Trad and Anon

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

CHORUS
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through my trials and tribulations,
And my travels thru the nations,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

I don't care if it rains or freezes
As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car,
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travelling far

I don't care if it's dark or scary
Long as I have magnetic Mary
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
I feel I'm protected amply
I've got the whole damn Holy Family
Riding on the dashboard of my car

You can buy a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell

I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car

ALT CHORUS
No, I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
But I think he'll have to go
His magnet ruins my radio
And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar

Riding through the thoroughfare
With his nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind
Trouble coming, he don't see
He just keeps his eyes on me
And any other thing that lies behind

ALT CHORUS
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sun shines on his back
Makes him peel, chip, and crack
A little patching keeps him up to par

When pedestrians try to cross
I let them know who's boss
I never blow my horn or give them warning
I ride all over town
Trying to run them down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morning

ALT CHORUS
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just right
And I use it as a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

When I'm in a traffic jam
He don't care if I say Damn
I can let all sorts of curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear
For he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul

ALT CHORUS
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white
Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar

God made Christ a Holy Jew
God made Him a Christian too
Paradoxes populate my car
Joseph beams with a feigned elan
From the shaggy dash of my furlined van
Famous cuckold in the master plan

Naughty Mary, smug and smiling
Jesus dainty and beguiling
Knee-deep in the piling of my van
His message clear by night or day
My phosphorescent plastic Gay
Simpering from the dashboard of my van

When I'm goin' fornicatin
I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
The women know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
Leering from the dashboard of my van

If I weave around at night
And the police think I'm tight
They'll never find my bottle, though they ask
Plastic Jesus shelters me
For His head comes off, you see
He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask

ALT CHORUS
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Ride with me and have a dram
Of the blood of the Lamb
Plastic Jesus is a holy bar


There is nothin that is cuter
than a smilin Jolly Buddha,
Ridin on the dashboard of my car,
I don't have no idol cuter,
comes in plastic, bronze and pewter,
Take him with me when I go afar.

Jolly Buddha, fat and squattin,
on a pad of aspirin cotton,
He's with me wherever I may roam,
When it's late and I start to hurry,
I know he ain't gonna worry,
He looks at me and all he says is, "Oooommmmmmm."

There is nothing that is gaucher
Than eatin food that isn't kosher,
Right in front of my smilin Moses' face,
I'm afraid that he'll awaken
When I'm eatin ham or bacon,
And throw them Ten Commandments in my face.

I don't care if I'm broke or starvin'
As long as I've got a fish named Darwin
Glued to the trunklid of my car
God, I'm feeling so evolved
Drivin' with my problems solved
Proclaiming what I think of what we are

Riding home one foggy night,
With my honey cuddled tight,
I missed a curve and off the road we veered.
My windshield got smashed-up good,
And my darling graced the hood.
Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared.

cho: Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
No longer chides me with His holy grin.
Doctors in the X-ray room
Found Him in my darling's womb.
Someday, He'll be born again!

I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
He's the dude with the rusty nails,
Walks on water, don't need no sails
Riding on the dashboard of me car

I don't care if the night is scary
As long as I got the Virgin Mary
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car.
She don't slip and she don't slide
Cuz her butt is magnetized
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car.

Now I'm feeling quite contrary,
cos I got the Virgin Mary
Sitting on the dashboard of my car
There's no room for imperfection,
in my Catholic collection
Which sits upon the dashboard of my car

Jesus, Mary and St. Patrick,
now I've got the holy hat-trick
Sitting on the dashboard of my car
One more statue I've got to get
is the plastic Bernadette
Sitting on the dashboard of my car


Plastic Jesus, you've got to go,
your magnet's burst my radio
Sitting on the dashboard of my car
But I, won't lose faith and I won't lose hope
cos, now I've got a pope on a rope
Swinging from the dashboard of my car

Once as I drove to Knock,
at a petrol station I got a shock
at the special offers that they had for me
20 more points and I can barter for a Jesus with stigmata
to sit upon the dashboard of my car

Hensley wrote:I have a picture of John in Ajijic I have had for years waiting for the right time to post it, now that he is leaving should I post it?

Sure, why not? Just be sure not to scare little children and old farts. (I already know what he looks like.)

Just don't forget to put a roll of toilet paper in the back window..........