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Good thing this is Canada

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Good thing this is Canada Empty Good thing this is Canada

Post by Flamingo on Thu Oct 30, 2014 10:21 pm

Good thing this is Canada Humorf10
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Post by hockables on Tue Dec 16, 2014 3:16 pm

Police Officer Test


How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer? The answer is found below.



QUESTION: You’re a policeman, on duty by yourself. You are walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.



You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it.


However, you have only a split second to


react before he reaches you. What do you do?

ANSWERS:

Canadian Police Officer:

Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.

1) Does the man look poor and/or oppressed?

2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?

3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?

4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

5) Am I dressed provocatively?

6) Could I run away?

7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand?

8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings?

9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society?

10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me?

11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?

12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over,


knocks his head and kills himself?

13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to


sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?

Australian Police Officer:

BANG !

American Police Officer:

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !


BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! 'Click'...Reload...BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !



Glasgow Police Officer:

"Haw, Jimmie.! Drop the wee knifie reet this minute noo, unless ye want it stuck up yer arse!"


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Post by CanuckBob on Tue Dec 16, 2014 4:38 pm

Haha......tell that to the Polish Immigrant killed by the RCMP in the Vancouver airport a few years back. That poor guy didn't even have a knife.
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Post by Pedro on Tue Dec 16, 2014 4:52 pm

and tell it to the whacko who was shot on the tranna street car until he stopped twitching.
that canadian cop description is bogus and in reality only applies to justin trudeau.-SNORK!
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Post by viajero on Tue Dec 16, 2014 6:36 pm

hockables wrote: Police Officer Test  


How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer? The answer is found below.



QUESTION: You’re a policeman, on duty by yourself. You are walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.



You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it.


However, you have only a split second to


react before he reaches you. What do you do?

ANSWERS:

Canadian Police  Officer:

Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.

1) Does the man look poor and/or oppressed?

2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?

3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?

4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

5) Am I dressed provocatively?

6) Could I run away?

7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand?

8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings?

9)  Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society?

10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me?

11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?

12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over,


knocks his head and kills himself?  

13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to


sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?

Australian Police  Officer:

BANG !

American Police  Officer:

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !  BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !


BANG ! BANG ! BANG  ! 'Click'...Reload...BANG ! BANG ! BANG !  BANG !



Glasgow Police  Officer:

"Haw, Jimmie.! Drop the wee knifie reet this minute noo, unless ye want it stuck up yer arse!"

Mexican Police Officer:
Give me 500 pesos and I won't beat the shit out of you and take you to jail.

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Post by hockables on Tue Dec 16, 2014 7:18 pm

viajero wrote:
hockables wrote: Police Officer Test  

Mexican Police Officer:
Give me 500 pesos and I won't beat the shit out of you and take you to jail.

Wouldja take 200 pesos? Beer


everything is negotiable Very Happy

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Post by arbon on Wed Dec 17, 2014 6:31 am

Israeli police officer, ..."Wonna' sell the knife?"
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Post by CHILLIN on Wed Dec 17, 2014 11:38 am

Nope Hox has nailed that one. The Canadian justice system has way too much time on its hands to theorize, experiment and simply throw away money. What other country would negotiate with a convicted serial killer to pay him to tell where the bodies are? What other country would stick to a deal for early release of another serial killer who had convinced the courts she was a victim of spousal abuse - when in fact it turned out she was the main instigator, up to and including the brutal torture and murder of her own sister? What other country would shelter a serial killer from California for many years because California might issue a death penalty? The same country which would arrest a man in Canada, turn him over to U.S. authorities, where he is serving six years, Federal prison, for selling marijuana seeds through the mail.
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Post by zenwoodle on Wed Dec 17, 2014 12:08 pm

CHILLIN wrote:Nope Hox has nailed that one. The Canadian justice system has way too much time on its hands to theorize, experiment and simply throw away money. What other country would negotiate with a convicted serial killer to pay him to tell where the bodies are? What other country would stick to a deal for early release of another serial killer who had convinced the courts she was a victim of spousal abuse - when in fact it turned out she was the main instigator, up to and including the brutal torture and murder of her own sister? What other country would shelter a serial killer from California for many years because California might issue a death penalty? The same country which would arrest a man in Canada, turn him over to U.S. authorities, where he is serving six years, Federal prison, for selling marijuana seeds through the mail.
I thought this was the jokes and riddles section. Beer
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Post by slainte39 on Wed Dec 17, 2014 3:42 pm

zenwoodle wrote:
CHILLIN wrote:Nope Hox has nailed that one. The Canadian justice system has way too much time on its hands to theorize, experiment and simply throw away money. What other country would negotiate with a convicted serial killer to pay him to tell where the bodies are? What other country would stick to a deal for early release of another serial killer who had convinced the courts she was a victim of spousal abuse - when in fact it turned out she was the main instigator, up to and including the brutal torture and murder of her own sister? What other country would shelter a serial killer from California for many years because California might issue a death penalty? The same country which would arrest a man in Canada, turn him over to U.S. authorities, where he is serving six years, Federal prison, for selling marijuana seeds through the mail.
I thought this was the jokes and riddles section. Beer

That's exactly why chillin fits well in this forum.

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Post by Pedro on Wed Dec 17, 2014 5:41 pm

slainte39 wrote:
zenwoodle wrote:
CHILLIN wrote:Nope Hox has nailed that one. The Canadian justice system has way too much time on its hands to theorize, experiment and simply throw away money. What other country would negotiate with a convicted serial killer to pay him to tell where the bodies are? What other country would stick to a deal for early release of another serial killer who had convinced the courts she was a victim of spousal abuse - when in fact it turned out she was the main instigator, up to and including the brutal torture and murder of her own sister? What other country would shelter a serial killer from California for many years because California might issue a death penalty? The same country which would arrest a man in Canada, turn him over to U.S. authorities, where he is serving six years, Federal prison, for selling marijuana seeds through the mail.
I thought this was the jokes and riddles section. Beer

That's exactly why chillin fits well in this forum.

beauty!
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Post by hockables on Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:28 am

Each Friday night after work, sun, snow, or rain, Jack, being from Newfoundland, would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a moose steak.

But, all of Jack's neighbours were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled moose steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to visit Jack, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Jack attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said: "You were born a Protestant and raised a Protestant, but now you are a Catholic."

Jack's neighbours were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived,and the wonderful aroma of grilled moose filled the neighbourhood.

The priest was called immediately by the neighbours, and, as he rushed into Jack's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him,he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Jack, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a moose, you wuz raised a moose, but now you is a codfish." Beer

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