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Post by CanuckBob on Sun Feb 13, 2011 10:31 am

For several years, a man had been having an affair with an Italian
> woman.
> >
> > One night, she confided to him that she was pregnant.
> >
> > Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large
> sum of money if she would go back to Italy to secretly have the child.
> >
> > Also, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would provide
> > child support until the child turned 18.
> >
> > She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
> >
> > To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and
> write 'Spaghetti' on the back when the child was born.
> >
> > He would then arrange for the Child Support Payments to begin.
> >
> > One day, about 8 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
> >
> > 'Honey,' she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'
> >
> > 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.
> >
> > The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
> >
> > On the card was written:
> >
> > Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
> >
> > Three with meatballs, two without.
> >
> > Send extra sauce
CanuckBob
CanuckBob
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Age : 56
Location : Lake Chapala (from Vancouver)
Humor : Sick and twisted

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Post by arturo cuatro ojos on Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:08 pm

Sister Mary Ann , who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.


She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said,





If it starts, I'm turning Catholic!

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Post by hockables on Tue Feb 15, 2011 3:00 pm

HER DIARY

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.
We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I
thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late,
but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we
go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but
he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong.
He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that
he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had
nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his
behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely,
as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued
to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.
About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise,
he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still
felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were
somewhere else. He fell asleep -I cried. I don't know
what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with
someone else. My life is a disaster.



HIS DIARY

My Snowmobile wouldn't start today, can't figure out why,
but at least I got laid.

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Post by arturo cuatro ojos on Thu Feb 17, 2011 9:57 pm

Hollywood Squares:
These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)


Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


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