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NO SEX SINCE 1955

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Post by lunateak on Sat Feb 12, 2011 8:54 am

NO SEX SINCE 1955

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean, no sex since 1955! Come with me." She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."
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Post by hockables on Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:35 am

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, "Why are there three in this package."

The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, ! one for March."


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Post by arturo cuatro ojos on Thu Mar 10, 2011 1:04 pm



A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her
life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could
throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her."You
have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we're off
to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. "I'll take
care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always
wanted to go to Europe , the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small, but
comfortable, compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he
would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine
inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He
brings food and I get a free trip to Europe .."

"I see," the captain says.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain, "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
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