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Gettin Old Bites

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Gettin Old Bites Empty Gettin Old Bites

Post by Jim W on Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:42 pm

It's Hell to be old


>
> OLD people have problems that
> you haven't even
> considered
> yet!
> A
> 79-year-old man was  requested by his Doctor for a
> sperm count
> as  part of his physical exam.
> The
> doctor gave  the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar
> home and bring back
> a  semen
> sample tomorrow.'
>
> The  next day the 79-year-old man reappeared at the
> doctor's office
> and  gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as
> on the previous
> day.
> The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,
> 'Well, doc,
> it's  like this -- first I tried
> with my right hand, but nothing.
> Then I tried with my left
> hand, but still
> nothing.
> 'Then I asked my wife for help. She  tried with
> her
> right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
> She tried with her
> mouth, first with the teeth in,
> then with her teeth out, still nothing.
>
> 'We even called up Arleen, the lady next
>
> door
> and she tried too, first with both hands, then an
> armpit, and
> she even tried  squeezin'
> it between
> her knees, but still
> nothing ..'
> The doctor was shocked!
> 'You asked your  neighbour?'
>
>
> The old  man replied,
> 'Yep, none
> of us could get  the jar  open.'

 Gettin Old Bites 968748 
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Jim W
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Post by hockables on Sat Sep 20, 2014 6:31 pm

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?' Beer


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Post by Jim W on Sat Sep 20, 2014 7:22 pm

LMAO Hocks
Jim W
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Post by hockables on Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:51 am

Childbirth at 75



With all the new technology regarding fertility, recently a 75-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

May I see the new baby?' I asked

'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'

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